UNIQUE TOWELS, by nas safa (2024)

1.

01-stratos said: did you see her? i said: see her what? who? beatrice? stratos said: yes. beatrice. the girl you’re allegedly trying to pork man! 02-no. some random person. but no. seriously. did you just see here? stick her feet in. into those boots? with no socks? bare foot and sh*t. i said: ugh. 03-are you f*cking serious stratos? she’s going commando in the black boots she’s in right now? stratos said: swear to god man. i literally just saw it happen. 04-right in front of my eyes bro. i said: ugh. f*ckin kidding meeee? she's the type to do shoes with no socks? NO socks? stratos said: not just shoes with no socks. 05-we’re talking boots. no socks. i said: that just. i don't want to say it ruins it for me outright. but. stratos said: i knew you'd want to know. see. 06-because i know you feel the same way i do about that. i said: about what? about feet? i wouldn’t go. i don’t know if i would go that far. 07-i actually appreciate a good foot stratos. but i'm just. i mean maybe her sweat glands are f*ckin nonexistent. she's one of these girls that like never sweats. 08-whose skin is preternaturally dry and whatnot. stratos said: but still there's no barrier. sweat aside. there's still no prophylactic separating foot from boot. 09-i said: and i get that. but that in theory doesn't offend my taste as much as the increased probability of her foot stinking later. 10-which would obviously be sweat-induced. no? stratos said: you zmail her yet? i said: nah. nah. not yet. i wanna make sure i'm saying the right thing.

2.

11-the exact correct phrasing. you know. that first zmail. it has to really hit. otherwise i'm f*cked. then again. if she's going sockless already? 12-maybe i shouldn't even bother. maybe it’s already a lost cause. save myself some time. stratos said: well. i mean. big picture? it's not gonna make much of a difference soon anyway. 13-i said: what do you mean big picture? not gonna make much difference soon? stratos said: well. i mean. you know. with the whole legislation thing that passed. 14-pretty soon i don't know how much we're gonna be using our co*cks anymore anyway. so like i said. maybe it’s a moot point regardless. 15-i said: what the f*ck are you talking about stratos? i’m not gonna be using my co*ck soon? the f*ck? you know i don't watch the damn news. 16-why in the hell would i cease using my penis in the near future? stratos said: you know who hunter carlson is right? i said: the prick with the bowtie? 17-the one who smokes crack with hookers right? stratos said: the assistant vice president to the acting chairman of the greater galactic bureau. 18-yes. him. well he just motioned forward this new legislation. now of course nobody actually thought this thing was gonna pass. and of course not!19-there’s plenty of nonsensical legislation every year that gets motioned forward and is of course dead on arrival. in fact. people are still a little mystified as to how it passed. 20-i said: okay. but what did it propose? the actual legislation. stratos said: well the main gist of the legislation is a single requirement.

3.

21-that all male-identifying citizens of inner saturn. under the age of forty. are to be strictly required to use their genitals. their co*ck and balls more or less. 22-to clean all public surfaces as deemed necessary by the state. i said: our co*cks and balls stratos? being used to clean public surfaces? that’s what you’re saying?23-like dick sponges? no. i don't like the sound of this at all. it strikes me as less than ideal. and to your previous point. how the f*ck would something like this. 24-stratos said: even pass? i don’t know. in a sense. when you think about it? it makes perfect sense. they've been trying to pass population control legislation for like a decade now for inner saturn. 25-probably more than that. i said: but that never f*ckin passes. even i know that. stratos said: exactly. and then you just take a look at the derelict condition of all three of our major cities? 26-the municipalities are overwhelmed from a sanitation perspective. which is obviously being driven at least in part by the unrepentant increase in population. 27-i said: so you mandate that the most fertile males are required to essentially mangle their dicks cleaning up the cities that are being sullied precisely by overpopulation? 28-stratos said: exactly. i said: that's bullsh*t. stratos said: oh it's total bullsh*t! but it's gonna be our reality extremely soon! i said: can't they like. 29-f*ckin filibuster or some sh*t? delay it in perpetuity or some sh*t. call a special public hearing or some sh*t? so it like passes but is never actually enacted. 30-because. i mean. even if it passed? it would just lead to a mass emigration? stratos said: sure. if anybody can actually get a visa-z.

4.

31-sure. good luck with that though! i said: you know. now that i’m thinking. maybe i will shoot beatrice a text. i'm not gonna. like. f*ck her feet anyway. 32-right? a footjob the first night? that seems preposterous anyway. stratos said: our co*cks are gonna be in way worse condition than her feet soon enough! 33-i said: that's total. i can't believe that. what a c*nt that hunter carlson guy is huh? like of all the c*nty things to suggest. he goes suggests possibly the c*ntiest. 34-stratos said: it's c*nty yet subtly brilliant as well. there’s a muted c*nt-like brilliance to it all. like i said. you more or less have to respect it.35-nobody has any idea how this guy actually got the legislation to pass. hardly anything passes these days! you can't get a motion to increase the meal tax on death row. 36-yet somehow this carlson f*ck manages to get legislation for a mass movement of literal DICK TOWELS through both the state senate and the congressional republic? 37-i said: it's odd. it's anti-male discrimination stratos. it’s pure war on the penis. that's what it is. it's the age-old jealousy of the phallus. phallic jealousy of the first order! 38-you know the congressional republic has skewed female for some time now. stratos said: but it's not like they're all dykes either. i mean. sure. there's certainly a feminine antagonism. 39-but i don't know if there's a real market for actually extinguishing the phallus of inner saturn in aggregate within the congressional republic. i said: that's actually not a terrible point. 40-and then the state senate. that's like ninety percent chicks with dicks now right? stratos said: but again. NOT the demographic that's going to vote against the phallus. 41-i said: because without the dick they're just chicks. stratos said: exactly. chicks with dicks are on average the most pro-penis demographic of inner saturn. 42-so again. the question remains. i said: how the f*ck did carlson get this sh*t to actually pass. if i have start wiping down burger king counters with my scrotum i'm gonna be pissed stratos! 43-stratos said: and like i said. good f*cking luck getting a visa-z. i've heard the waitlist has already quadrupled since this news broke overnight. 44-it could be three f*cking years before you get out of here! i said: and by that time my entire penile faculty would probably be in such a state of disrepair. 45-ugh. this is bad stratos. this is a real concern. i'm zmailing beatrice right now. i need to go on a f*ck spree asap now. this is. no. this is very concerning. 46-stratos said: she might be more amenable too now. that's the only real silver lining here. i said: that these girls. realizing they could be dealing with exclusively dirty dicks in like a week. 47-that they're gonna wanna get in on their own f*ckfests in the mean time? stratos said: one would think that's a possibility. i said: please don't say one would think stratos. 48-one? it’s a little pretentious. no? but either ay. hear me out then. hear me out. stratos said: i'm listening. i said: what if carlson. 49-WHAT IF carlson is colluding with the congressional republic and the state senate and the interior ministry on this? what if this is an elaborate psy-op. 50-what if actually it's just a psy-op of the highest order. stratos said: how so? i said: you threaten people with this potential loss of aggregate penis. right?

5.

51-stratos said: right. i said: which moves them to engage in weeks of unencumbered f*ckfests. which makes the aggregate s.t.i. rates jump through the roof? 52-stratos said: so you're not going to zmail beatrice then? is what you’re saying? i said: i'm not saying i'm not going to. i'm just saying. 53-stratos said: that this could be a low-key euthanization psy-op as opposed to a low-key population control campaign? i said: it's possible. 54-it's something i'm strongly considering now. with that said? i just zmailed beatrice. i can already see she's typing me back! the little dots.55-stratos said: there's only one issue with that theory though. this euthanization theory. i said: what is it? stratos said: s.t.i.'s haven't been generally fatal for like three decades now. 56-not since the whole bronchial herpes outbreak of the late 2190s. i said: so? maybe the state senate. maybe they already have some insight onto a potential second wave of bronchial herpes. 57-or a intestinal aids or some sh*t. or. um. something equivalent you know? and that's factoring into the equation here as well? 58-stratos said: see. now? now we're going just a little too deep into pure speculation. a little too far down the rabbit hole in my opinion. 59-i said: go ahead and say it stratos. you think the theory. that it's conspiratorial now. stratos said: well. i mean. kind of by definition? 60-but that's not necessarily a bad thing. that doesn’t ipso facto disqualify it in my mind. i said: i don’t know. to me it's really not that crazy.

6.

61-when you really think about it. like you said. this entire conversation you've basically been adamant that the idea that carlson somehow got this legislation passed. 62-through both the state senate and the congressional republic bodies. that it's basically absurd. that it makes no general sense. so clearly there almost must. 63-by definition. be something of a conspiratorial nature that's going on here. stratos said: perhaps. perhaps. but at the same time strange things do happen. strange events do occur.64-without rational explanation. i just wouldn't necessarily go to the whole an s.t.i. of deadly capabilities is on the precipice of entering the social fabric of inner saturn. 65-and our own governmental bodies are intentionally passing legislation to promote its rapid spreading through the populace to kill off large swathes of people. 66-that's all. i said: she just replied. stratos said: what'd she say? i said: she's asking me off rip if i have a foot fetish? stratos said: that's. somewhat forward. 67-i said: she said she thinks she knows me from some big toe group chat from a few years ago. i just zmailed her saying i don’t think i was in that. 68-but that i'm not necessarily averse to toes. stratos said: that's not exactly a ringing endorsem*nt. i said: it's the furthest i'm willing to go. 69-i'm not going to outright lie. and i’m not gonna sign myself up for some sh*t i’ll end up regretting by midnight. be on some let me see them toes type sh*t. 70-then get over there and just try and pull my joint out. you know? stratos said: that's actually. pretty upstanding of you. there’s a modicum of respect to it.71-i said: i figure if this legislation thing is real then there should be ample other opportunities for me anyway. stratos said: right. 72-i said: but what about you? stratos said: what about me? i said: i mean if she's gonna go hard on the whole foot fetish thing? i'll give you beatrice's number? 73-that can happen. if you want? stratos said: eh. i said: aren't you gonna try and at least get laid then? if all of this is true. isn’t that a motivating force here?74-stratos said: probably. i said: no interest in beatrice? stratos said: eh. i said: she not attractive to you? stratos said: she's fine. 75-i said: fine? would you not try and fornicate? i thought we both agreed. stratos said: i'm not saying i wouldn't. that’s not it. i’m just saying. 76-i said: what is it you’re saying stratos? i don't know. it kind of seems like you are. trying to say you wouldn't? i just asked you if you wanted her number and you said eh. 77-stratos said: let me marinate on it. maybe. anyway. you still might be interested right? i don't wanna be like all over it and then you're trying to hang out with her. 78-you know? i said: no i get it. stratos said: yeah. it's not a big deal. we’ll figure it out. i said: you were probably just really turned off by. 79-you know. the whole bare feet in the boots thing. right? stratos said: have you applied for a visa-z yet? i said: as of maybe half an hour ago i had no notion of this phallic wash cloth legislation. 80-i had no notion it even existed. never mind that it apparently passed. so i haven't. stratos said: you probably should. i said: why?

7.

81-have you? stratos said: oh yeah. i've had a visa-z for a few months now. i said: really? you applied. stratos said: oh yeah. way back. when um.82-this whole hunter carlson thing has been rumored for a few months now. i figured just in case. i'd go ahead and try and get a visa-z ahead of it. 83-you know. cover my bases. i said: oh. stratos said: what? i said: nothing. i just. i don't know. you didn't think to maybe give me a heads up at all? 84-stratos said: it seemed like a low probability thing. i didn't want to. you know. bother you and sh*t. over something that was in all likelihood going to end up dissipating into the ether. 85-i said: in all likelihood dissipating into the ether. yet. you still went to the trouble of applying for the visa-z yourself? 86-stratos said: just to cover my bases. yeah. i said: i don't know. in the abstract i suppose i get it. maybe it makes sense in the abstract. 87-but i'm just struggling here stratos. just a little. marrying up this legislation being something that was at once super low probability. 88-yet also something you went to the trouble of applying for a visa-z over. yet also something you felt like was of no concern to tell me. 89-to give me even a minimal heads up on. stratos said: is that my responsibility now? to watch the news for you? i said: i'm not saying it's your responsibility. 90-obviously i’m my own person. you’re your own person. i don’t watch the news. you’re somewhat of a political junkie. 91-stratos said: i don’t know if i would say i’m. i said: but you know what i’m saying. we’re obviously our own people. i'm just saying. 92-that if i was planning to potentially flee inner saturn because of some apocalyptic draconian legislation? i don’t know. i might saying something to you. 93-bring it up in conversation. broach the topic if you will? i might just say like hey stratos are you planning on leaving inner saturn. 94-you know. because we might be forced to pull our co*cks out and wipe down dirty dish pans with them in perpetuity because of our deeply corrupt government? 95-stratos said: in retrospect. sure. yeah i guess maybe i should have made a point to mention something about it to you. perhaps that’s a fair assessment. 96-perhaps i should have made more of an effort to broach the topic during one of our routine conversations. i said: she just zmailed me back. 97-beatrice. now she's asking if i want to come over. over zmail mind you. stratos said: are you? or do you? i said: she's saying she just got back. 98-saying she walked all the way from garden view back to her apartment. stratos said: ugh. i said: you're not. well of course you're not interested. 99-stratos said: i think she's cute. there's nothing wrong with her. if she. did she mention anything about taking a shower at all? i said: eh. 100-stratos said: oh. now you're eh. i said: no. i mean eh. as in eh i wasn't technically lying when i said i wasn't necessarily averse to toes?

At an undisclosed location, an undisclosed narrator and his friend Stratos discuss a new piece of legislation that passed in Inner Saturn, where both reside, and have a lively debate as to the potential motivations and long-term effects of the legislation passing.

"Unique Towels" is a composition where each syllable is equivalent to a 16th note at either 80 or 90 BPM. Additionally, each line (bar) occupies the 8th interval of the Fibonacci sequence, containing between 34 and 55 syllables.

Math: At 80 BPM, a quarter note is 0.75 seconds, which makes a 16th 0.1875 seconds. So then there are 5.3333 16ths per second, or 320 16th Notes Per Minute.

At 90 BPM, a quarter is .667s, a 16th is .167s, imputing 359.8 16ths per minute.

The syllables per minute for the recitation/rapping should then be 320 Syllables Per Minute (or more, depending on the frequency of 16th note triplets), or >359.8 if at 90 NPM.

The aggregate Syllables Per Minute (SPM) for Unique Towels is 363.5.

Full Text:

01
01-stratos said: did you see her? i said: see her what? who? beatrice? stratos said: yes. beatrice. the girl you’re allegedly trying to pork man!
02-no. some random person. but no. seriously. did you just see here? stick her feet in. into those boots? with no socks? bare foot and sh*t. i said: ugh.
03-are you f*cking serious stratos? she’s going commando in the black boots she’s in right now? stratos said: swear to god man. i literally just saw it happen.
04-right in front of my eyes bro. i said: ugh. f*ckin kidding meeee? she's the type to do shoes with no socks? NO socks? stratos said: not just shoes with no socks.
05-we’re talking boots. no socks. i said: that just. i don't want to say it ruins it for me outright. but. stratos said: i knew you'd want to know. see.
06-because i know you feel the same way i do about that. i said: about what? about feet? i wouldn’t go. i don’t know if i would go that far.
07-i actually appreciate a good foot stratos. but i'm just. i mean maybe her sweat glands are f*ckin nonexistent. she's one of these girls that like never sweats.
08-whose skin is preternaturally dry and whatnot. stratos said: but still there's no barrier. sweat aside. there's still no prophylactic separating foot from boot.
09-i said: and i get that. but that in theory doesn't offend my taste as much as the increased probability of her foot stinking later.
10-which would obviously be sweat-induced. no? stratos said: you zmail her yet? i said: nah. nah. not yet. i wanna make sure i'm saying the right thing.

02
11-the exact correct phrasing. you know. that first zmail. it has to really hit. otherwise i'm f*cked. then again. if she's going sockless already?
12-maybe i shouldn't even bother. maybe it’s already a lost cause. save myself some time. stratos said: well. i mean. big picture? it's not gonna make much of a difference soon anyway.
13-i said: what do you mean big picture? not gonna make much difference soon? stratos said: well. i mean. you know. with the whole legislation thing that passed.
14-pretty soon i don't know how much we're gonna be using our co*cks anymore anyway. so like i said. maybe it’s a moot point regardless.
15-i said: what the f*ck are you talking about stratos? i’m not gonna be using my co*ck soon? the f*ck? you know i don't watch the damn news.
16-why in the hell would i cease using my penis in the near future? stratos said: you know who hunter carlson is right? i said: the prick with the bowtie?
17-the one who smokes crack with hookers right? stratos said: the assistant vice president to the acting chairman of the greater galactic bureau.
18-yes. him. well he just motioned forward this new legislation. now of course nobody actually thought this thing was gonna pass. and of course not!
19-there’s plenty of nonsensical legislation every year that gets motioned forward and is of course dead on arrival. in fact. people are still a little mystified as to how it passed.
20-i said: okay. but what did it propose? the actual legislation. stratos said: well the main gist of the legislation is a single requirement.

03
21-that all male-identifying citizens of inner saturn. under the age of forty. are to be strictly required to use their genitals. their co*ck and balls more or less.
22-to clean all public surfaces as deemed necessary by the state. i said: our co*cks and balls stratos? being used to clean public surfaces? that’s what you’re saying?
23-like dick sponges? no. i don't like the sound of this at all. it strikes me as less than ideal. and to your previous point. how the f*ck would something like this.
24-stratos said: even pass? i don’t know. in a sense. when you think about it? it makes perfect sense. they've been trying to pass population control legislation for like a decade now for inner saturn.
25-probably more than that. i said: but that never f*ckin passes. even i know that. stratos said: exactly. and then you just take a look at the derelict condition of all three of our major cities?
26-the municipalities are overwhelmed from a sanitation perspective. which is obviously being driven at least in part by the unrepentant increase in population.
27-i said: so you mandate that the most fertile males are required to essentially mangle their dicks cleaning up the cities that are being sullied precisely by overpopulation?
28-stratos said: exactly. i said: that's bullsh*t. stratos said: oh it's total bullsh*t! but it's gonna be our reality extremely soon! i said: can't they like.
29-f*ckin filibuster or some sh*t? delay it in perpetuity or some sh*t. call a special public hearing or some sh*t? so it like passes but is never actually enacted.
30-because. i mean. even if it passed? it would just lead to a mass emigration? stratos said: sure. if anybody can actually get a visa-z.

04
31-sure. good luck with that though! i said: you know. now that i’m thinking. maybe i will shoot beatrice a text. i'm not gonna. like. f*ck her feet anyway.
32-right? a footjob the first night? that seems preposterous anyway. stratos said: our co*cks are gonna be in way worse condition than her feet soon enough!
33-i said: that's total. i can't believe that. what a c*nt that hunter carlson guy is huh? like of all the c*nty things to suggest. he goes suggests possibly the c*ntiest.
34-stratos said: it's c*nty yet subtly brilliant as well. there’s a muted c*nt-like brilliance to it all. like i said. you more or less have to respect it.
35-nobody has any idea how this guy actually got the legislation to pass. hardly anything passes these days! you can't get a motion to increase the meal tax on death row.
36-yet somehow this carlson f*ck manages to get legislation for a mass movement of literal DICK TOWELS through both the state senate and the congressional republic?
37-i said: it's odd. it's anti-male discrimination stratos. it’s pure war on the penis. that's what it is. it's the age-old jealousy of the phallus. phallic jealousy of the first order!
38-you know the congressional republic has skewed female for some time now. stratos said: but it's not like they're all dykes either. i mean. sure. there's certainly a feminine antagonism.
39-but i don't know if there's a real market for actually extinguishing the phallus of inner saturn in aggregate within the congressional republic. i said: that's actually not a terrible point.
40-and then the state senate. that's like ninety percent chicks with dicks now right? stratos said: but again. NOT the demographic that's going to vote against the phallus.

05
41-i said: because without the dick they're just chicks. stratos said: exactly. chicks with dicks are on average the most pro-penis demographic of inner saturn.
42-so again. the question remains. i said: how the f*ck did carlson get this sh*t to actually pass. if i have start wiping down burger king counters with my scrotum i'm gonna be pissed stratos!
43-stratos said: and like i said. good f*cking luck getting a visa-z. i've heard the waitlist has already quadrupled since this news broke overnight.
44-it could be three f*cking years before you get out of here! i said: and by that time my entire penile faculty would probably be in such a state of disrepair.
45-ugh. this is bad stratos. this is a real concern. i'm zmailing beatrice right now. i need to go on a f*ck spree asap now. this is. no. this is very concerning.
46-stratos said: she might be more amenable too now. that's the only real silver lining here. i said: that these girls. realizing they could be dealing with exclusively dirty dicks in like a week.
47-that they're gonna wanna get in on their own f*ckfests in the mean time? stratos said: one would think that's a possibility. i said: please don't say one would think stratos.
48-one? it’s a little pretentious. no? but either ay. hear me out then. hear me out. stratos said: i'm listening. i said: what if carlson.
49-WHAT IF carlson is colluding with the congressional republic and the state senate and the interior ministry on this? what if this is an elaborate psy-op.
50-what if actually it's just a psy-op of the highest order. stratos said: how so? i said: you threaten people with this potential loss of aggregate penis. right?

06
51-stratos said: right. i said: which moves them to engage in weeks of unencumbered f*ckfests. which makes the aggregate s.t.i. rates jump through the roof?
52-stratos said: so you're not going to zmail beatrice then? is what you’re saying? i said: i'm not saying i'm not going to. i'm just saying.
53-stratos said: that this could be a low-key euthanization psy-op as opposed to a low-key population control campaign? i said: it's possible.
54-it's something i'm strongly considering now. with that said? i just zmailed beatrice. i can already see she's typing me back! the little dots.
55-stratos said: there's only one issue with that theory though. this euthanization theory. i said: what is it? stratos said: s.t.i.'s haven't been generally fatal for like three decades now.
56-not since the whole bronchial herpes outbreak of the late 2190s. i said: so? maybe the state senate. maybe they already have some insight onto a potential second wave of bronchial herpes.
57-or a intestinal aids or some sh*t. or. um. something equivalent you know? and that's factoring into the equation here as well?
58-stratos said: see. now? now we're going just a little too deep into pure speculation. a little too far down the rabbit hole in my opinion.
59-i said: go ahead and say it stratos. you think the theory. that it's conspiratorial now. stratos said: well. i mean. kind of by definition?
60-but that's not necessarily a bad thing. that doesn’t ipso facto disqualify it in my mind. i said: i don’t know. to me it's really not that crazy.

07
61-when you really think about it. like you said. this entire conversation you've basically been adamant that the idea that carlson somehow got this legislation passed.
62-through both the state senate and the congressional republic bodies. that it's basically absurd. that it makes no general sense. so clearly there almost must.
63-by definition. be something of a conspiratorial nature that's going on here. stratos said: perhaps. perhaps. but at the same time strange things do happen. strange events do occur.
64-without rational explanation. i just wouldn't necessarily go to the whole an s.t.i. of deadly capabilities is on the precipice of entering the social fabric of inner saturn.
65-and our own governmental bodies are intentionally passing legislation to promote its rapid spreading through the populace to kill off large swathes of people.
66-that's all. i said: she just replied. stratos said: what'd she say? i said: she's asking me off rip if i have a foot fetish? stratos said: that's. somewhat forward.
67-i said: she said she thinks she knows me from some big toe group chat from a few years ago. i just zmailed her saying i don’t think i was in that.
68-but that i'm not necessarily averse to toes. stratos said: that's not exactly a ringing endorsem*nt. i said: it's the furthest i'm willing to go.
69-i'm not going to outright lie. and i’m not gonna sign myself up for some sh*t i’ll end up regretting by midnight. be on some let me see them toes type sh*t.
70-then get over there and just try and pull my joint out. you know? stratos said: that's actually. pretty upstanding of you. there’s a modicum of respect to it.

08
71-i said: i figure if this legislation thing is real then there should be ample other opportunities for me anyway. stratos said: right.
72-i said: but what about you? stratos said: what about me? i said: i mean if she's gonna go hard on the whole foot fetish thing? i'll give you beatrice's number?
73-that can happen. if you want? stratos said: eh. i said: aren't you gonna try and at least get laid then? if all of this is true. isn’t that a motivating force here?
74-stratos said: probably. i said: no interest in beatrice? stratos said: eh. i said: she not attractive to you? stratos said: she's fine.
75-i said: fine? would you not try and fornicate? i thought we both agreed. stratos said: i'm not saying i wouldn't. that’s not it. i’m just saying.
76-i said: what is it you’re saying stratos? i don't know. it kind of seems like you are. trying to say you wouldn't? i just asked you if you wanted her number and you said eh.
77-stratos said: let me marinate on it. maybe. anyway. you still might be interested right? i don't wanna be like all over it and then you're trying to hang out with her.
78-you know? i said: no i get it. stratos said: yeah. it's not a big deal. we’ll figure it out. i said: you were probably just really turned off by.
79-you know. the whole bare feet in the boots thing. right? stratos said: have you applied for a visa-z yet? i said: as of maybe half an hour ago i had no notion of this phallic wash cloth legislation.
80-i had no notion it even existed. never mind that it apparently passed. so i haven't. stratos said: you probably should. i said: why?

09
81-have you? stratos said: oh yeah. i've had a visa-z for a few months now. i said: really? you applied. stratos said: oh yeah. way back. when um.
82-this whole hunter carlson thing has been rumored for a few months now. i figured just in case. i'd go ahead and try and get a visa-z ahead of it.
83-you know. cover my bases. i said: oh. stratos said: what? i said: nothing. i just. i don't know. you didn't think to maybe give me a heads up at all?
84-stratos said: it seemed like a low probability thing. i didn't want to. you know. bother you and sh*t. over something that was in all likelihood going to end up dissipating into the ether.
85-i said: in all likelihood dissipating into the ether. yet. you still went to the trouble of applying for the visa-z yourself?
86-stratos said: just to cover my bases. yeah. i said: i don't know. in the abstract i suppose i get it. maybe it makes sense in the abstract.
87-but i'm just struggling here stratos. just a little. marrying up this legislation being something that was at once super low probability.
88-yet also something you went to the trouble of applying for a visa-z over. yet also something you felt like was of no concern to tell me.
89-to give me even a minimal heads up on. stratos said: is that my responsibility now? to watch the news for you? i said: i'm not saying it's your responsibility.
90-obviously i’m my own person. you’re your own person. i don’t watch the news. you’re somewhat of a political junkie.

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91-stratos said: i don’t know if i would say i’m. i said: but you know what i’m saying. we’re obviously our own people. i'm just saying.
92-that if i was planning to potentially flee inner saturn because of some apocalyptic draconian legislation? i don’t know. i might saying something to you.
93-bring it up in conversation. broach the topic if you will? i might just say like hey stratos are you planning on leaving inner saturn.
94-you know. because we might be forced to pull our co*cks out and wipe down dirty dish pans with them in perpetuity because of our deeply corrupt government?
95-stratos said: in retrospect. sure. yeah i guess maybe i should have made a point to mention something about it to you. perhaps that’s a fair assessment.
96-perhaps i should have made more of an effort to broach the topic during one of our routine conversations. i said: she just zmailed me back.
97-beatrice. now she's asking if i want to come over. over zmail mind you. stratos said: are you? or do you? i said: she's saying she just got back.
98-saying she walked all the way from garden view back to her apartment. stratos said: ugh. i said: you're not. well of course you're not interested.
99-stratos said: i think she's cute. there's nothing wrong with her. if she. did she mention anything about taking a shower at all? i said: eh.
100-stratos said: oh. now you're eh. i said: no. i mean eh. as in eh i wasn't technically lying when i said i wasn't necessarily averse to toes?

For Unique Towels the Syllables Per Minute (SPM) for the entire composition is 363.5 (imputing about 13.5% triplet rate).